Parents who are living alone, assume that it is the responsibility of the children to take care of them in their old age
Gopabandhu Mohapatra
There are many lonely, solitary, elderly people among our circle of friends sending greetings through WhatsApp. Anyone might wonder why they, in their old age, still send messages, just like a regular practice. The significance of these morning and evening greetings are similar to the meaning of knocking or ringing the doorbell. It is a way of wishing each other safety and conveying care. If you don’t receive their morning greetings or wishes, it may be presumed that they might be unwell or something might have happened to them.
Many of the parents, are living alone when their children are abroad in some distant land. It is a common assumption by the Indian parents that it is the responsibility of the children to take care of the parents in their old age. It threw up a very pertinent question – should the parents be selfish enough to discourage their children from settling abroad?
‘Empty Nest Syndrome’ refers to the distress, grief and other complicated emotions that parents often experience when their children leave home either for studies, job or living their own relationships. The satire is that people want their children to grow up and spend independent lives. However, the experience of letting go is often emotionally thought-provoking. Parents may feel secluded, sad, and have some degree of grief when their children leave the nest.
Usually, parents build a house bigger than their need, which was not based on family needs. In some cases, old parents move to smaller homes, or to a gated community, or to an old age home once their children move out for education or jobs. Only social awareness can eliminate this problem.
India has about 20 million people living outside their homeland as on date. Umpteen employment opportunities, salaries in dollars, free education, good medical facilities, fresh air to breathe and peace of mind, all these are benefits of off shore living which fascinates the youth of India to settle abroad. Every year thousands of people, young or middle aged, boys or girls, single or in family move to foreign lands in search of higher education, lucrative jobs, improved lifestyle and a better standard of living.
After a particular age, these parents don’t want to take any initiatives and add zeal to their lives. They develop a feeling that everything is over as their children are not living with them and gradually end up living a depressed life leading to mental instability, fear and depression. These parents need a sense of affection, mental and physical security. Moreover, they need a common platform where they can spend their sunset years of loneliness.
Old age is one of the most difficult phases of human life. Life itself, from birth to death, is full of suffering and challenges. That suffering multiplies in old age as one grows physically and mentally weak and loses the ability to maintain youthful strength and attitude. In old age, people feel as if they are losing control over themselves and over the changes which old age brings. At that stage, they also experience alienation and isolation as they find themselves in a world that seems to be growing apart from them, leaving them behind. It is as if the world in which they were born and grew up has disappeared or about to disappear just as the memories of their past and all that they loved and enjoyed.
Many changes happen in old age which adversely affects one’s physical, mental and emotional well being. It is a declining phase of everyone’s life which brings in its wake many physical problems most of which are irreversible and incurable. As people age, they often encounter various health issues, including vision loss, hearing difficulties, weight changes, dental problems, memory decline, digestive issues, skin concerns, joint pain, loss of sexual potency, etc. These affects their physical health as well as their mental health whereby many experience confusion, fear, alienation, loneliness, depression, emotional instability, irritability, insomnia, low self-esteem, cognitive impairment, and so on.
Old people also suffer from loneliness, social isolation and relationship problems as they cannot maintain their active lifestyles or preserve their independence and self-reliance. As the statistics show, it can lead to other problems such as premature death, dementia, depression, anxiety, etc. Their world keeps shrinking as they can no longer actively participate in social activities or visit other people, and as their friends and family members who belong to the same age group die or become busy with their own problems.
Their problems multiply if they happen to be immigrants, minorities or belong to outlier groups who traditionally suffer from many social disabilities. The best thing that can be done for both yourself and your parents is stay positive. Encourage them, support them, and love them to the best of your ability.
(Author is a former Banker. Views are Personal)
